ReDINKulous

Not that I'm condoning it...

2010-02-10T21:52:00.000-08:00

But....really winter? I've had enough. Today I ate cold pizza, knitted mittens, watched the breakfast club and played more rounds of board games with my husband than should be legal. And I couldn't apprechiate any of it because all I can think about is getting out of this mother loving house which I've been couped up in for SIX days. (Yes, we did go for a supply run yesterday but walking around a grocery store for 30 minutes does not count as a meaningfull activity.)

Today, which was supposed to be only 5-10" inches of snow ended up being a blizzard that topped this weekends with whiteouts, 40mph wind and 20"+ inches. In other words we didn't even peek our heads outside. And even though tommorow is forcasted to be sunny and cold (but not snowing!) driving is not being recomended. Unless you enjoy eating a windshield full of glass with a complimentary trip to the emergency room. And as much as I love me some glass, I think we'll be staying home. MrE has off until Tuesday (!) and I have tommorrow off (read: airport closed). I'm actually hoping they'll use me for a turn (out and back) on Friday. Which is absofrigginlutely crazy in itself. (Not that I don't love my job, I just love staying at home and being paid for it. Usually.)

Oh? Did I mention we are expecting more snow on Monday. Yes, this Monday. More snow.

*Cue balling up on the floor, rocking back and forth while twitching and giggling like a rabid clown...*

How the snow-pocalypse tried to get me fired.

2010-02-08T08:58:00.000-08:00

Today I was supposed to work. Just an easy little turn from Baltimore (BWI) to Long Island (ISP) to Tampa (TPA) and back. It paid really well and one of the legs was even a dead head (meaning you don't have to work, just sit in a passenger seat and look pretty- or in my case- nap). At first I wasn't even sure if the airport would be open today. Baltimore is sorely unprepared for this kind of weather, it's just not normal. As in "somewhere a polar bear is crying 'cause all the ice is melting" kind of abnormal. So in an unprecedented decision they closed down the whole airport for three days "pending" runway clearance. In layman's terms: they were SOL because they had 1.3 plows and nobody to drive them. So like I said, I was dubious they were even going to open today as planned and VERY afraid they would.

Let me explain. Flight attendants are required to be on time every time. During training and your six month probationary period you have the fear of God put in you about being late. Because you will be fired. No ifs, ands or buts, that is how its been for the last 30 years and how it will always be. This is the one area of my life where I am always unequivocally on time. So you can imagine my fear of being late today. Especially since I can't even DRIVE down my street. You would say, "why don't you call someone and explain?" To that I say HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAaaaaaa....sputter...hahahaaaa..... *chokes*. Then I'd tell you a story. Three years ago MrE and I only had the one vehicle which meant I had occasionally to take a taxi to the train station, a train to the bus station, and a bus to the airport where I jumped on a plane to somewhere glamorous *more laughing*. As usual I called the taxi a hour early and then waited. And waited. And waited. And then called the cab again. And panicked. When they finally arrived an hour late (!) I didn't have time for the usual planes, trains & automobiles routine. Two options: call in sick or pay a $75 fare to drive straight to the airport. I arrived at the airport sweating, running and exactly one minute early. And $75 lighter. It sucked.
So, back to my current situation, if I called my supervisors they would tell me to walk miles to the nearest plowed road with my luggage and hitchhike to work if necessary. Basically I'd be screwed. Which is why I was panicking this morning. Until the stars aligned and an angel named Patty picked up my trip. So now I don't get fired and the only thing I have to worry about is how the ambulance is going to get down our road when MrE falls off the icy roof because which he is shoveling despite wifely protest. Good thing we took out that fairly large life insurance policy on him this year.

snOMG.

2010-02-07T18:52:00.000-08:00

For the last couple of days we have been snowed in. As in can't pull the cars out of the driveway to much snow and not enough snow plows kinda stuck. Baltimore is a pretty darn large city where you can watch your favorite band play, eat at your local Afghani restaurant (owned by the President of Afganistan's brother nontheless) and stalk Michaels Phelps on your way home, apparently you have to wait for at least THREE days to have your street plowed.
So here I am sitting on my couch watching my husband watch the Superbowl and nursing a bad case of cabin fever. Since Friday I have been outside my house exactly once. Which would be today when we traipsed our way up the street to see if anyone has been plowed . Then we threw sticks at those who had. Because we are classy like that. We also tried building a snowman but ended up with a snowblob instead and lacerations on our hands. Why the lacerations? Because our (large) dog does NOT trust mittens. Mittens must die. Oh? There's hands in those things? Do they have treats attached? I did not think so. Will now return to our previously scheduled biting.

By now the point has probably been made that I am bored. Food has been made, the house has been cleaned, butt's have been kicked in Scrabble (not mine), and much, much television has been watched. So on my list for tommorrow is to break out my new iPhone app, Stylebook. For those of you wondering what the heck a Stylebook is anyone remember the movie Clueless? Remember the computer Cher had for her organizing her clothes? Its basically just like that. Anyone else swooning right now? If you have a large closet, a small memory and a Type A personality this will be your new love. So far I've only catagorized a couple items but I did manage to throw together one outfit for demonstration. Cool right? Basically take a picture and then add it to a "look". Voila! Endless possibilities. So tommorrow I will be taking pictures of the other eight million items in my closet. 'Cause nothing says boredom beater like taking pictures of shoes. Geez my life is exciting....

I can also think of one other thing to do. BRUSH MY TEETH. Apparently when someone says blizzard my personal hygiene goes out the window. The kicker was I smelled something bad and then realized it was MY BREATH. Gross. At least I fed the husband chilli for dinner and um...stuff has happened since then that makes us even. Two smelly peas in a pod.

Look Ma! I Caught a Fraggle!

2010-02-06T10:07:00.000-08:00

Last night Mr. E finally read my blog. Some may think a supportive husband would be reading his wife's blog daily, the first to comment and laugh at her endearingly, witty remarks. Of course he would be reading someone else's blog to find those remarks but that is not the point. Mr.E has been through this before. A couple times. If you had the chance to read my previous blogs you would note the grammar and spelling were pretty darn good. This is thanks to Mr. E because, as you can tell, I have the spelling and grammar skills of a 5th grader. Blindfolded. The point I'm trying to make here is this is not my first rodeo people. Umm... blog rodeo that is. I used to have an Office Job.
I had the kind of job where you sit behind a computer for 8 hours a day and have LOTS of free time to do things like...blog. And you might also live in Los Angeles where the sun is always shining and you can see the ocean from your floor to ceiling windows and blog everyday about how wonderful life is. And life is really almost perfect. Except that awful office job where you feel cooped up and are developing a gnarly (yes, I said "gnarly"-"awesome" is next in line) case of Restless Leg Syndrome sitting behind a desk everyday. Pretty soon you find yourself applying for a job at your friendly local airline. And lo and behold you are one of the chosen! This means you must pack up all your belongings and move to a place that strikes fear in the hearts of many- Baltimore, Murderland. But you do it anyway because you hate the 9-5 life and Mr.E has a sweet job lined up and maybe you can finally afford to buy a house and get a puppy and your wicked (shout out to my Bostonians!) case of RLS will disappear. So you move. And start flying. And love it. Then you buy a house, adopt your puppy and life is near perfect again. But somewhere amid that perfection you stop blogging.
So here I am back in the proverbial blogging saddle. Why start again? Because I truly love writing. Whether or not I actually have talent is highly debatable but I have a wicked, awesome, gnarly time doing it. And that's what matters right? That and using as much sweet, sweet vocuabulary from the 80's as possible. Right on dudes. Right on...

And for you're viewing pleasure.... catch phrases from the 80's!

I pity the fool!
The A Team.

Just Kidding!!!!!!!!

ALF on ALF.

Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit...

The air traffic controller on Airplane (insert random addictive drug at the end of the phrase).

An Afternoon Kinda Person OR Why Some Woman are Liars and Need to be Smacked Upside the Head Repeatedly.

2010-02-03T13:22:00.000-08:00

As a flight attendant I tend to have a fairly crazy work schedule. Sometimes I wake up at 3am to be at the airport by 5 (who am I kidding, I hit the snooze button twelve times wake up ten minutes before I need to leave and run around like a crazy woman). Other times I get to sleep in, work out and be a general Lady of Leisure until the evening and then leave for work. Which sounds all fine and dandy until you realize that you will be serving coke and peanuts to tired, cranky passengers at 1am. Two words. Not fun.
Frequently people will ask if I'm a morning or night person and I'm not sure how to respond. Definitely a morning person. No wait. I hate waking up when its dark outside when even my dogs are to tired to greet me as I stumble into the kitchen. So I guess I'm a night person right? Ummm...I hate going to bed after midnight because I'm soo lazy the next morning that my whole day is shot (refer to previous post). I might as well buy a box of Bon-Bons 'cause my rear is going to be attached to the couch and my brain in hibernate mode the rest of the day.
I know I can't be the only one out there who hates going to bed late and detests waking up before 7am. But I'm loathe to discuss it because I usually an eye rolls and people espousing their love for getting 6 hours of sleep and how the feel GREAT! Don't you just HATE those people? I frequently fly with them and can feel judgment oozing from their pores. Here's an example... Scene- flying somewhere over the midwest around 7 am after an overnight in Tampa where you didn't even roll into the hotel until 11pm. And they stuck you next to the ice machine which was apparently the cool place to be. All. Night. Long.

Them: So darhling did you sleep well last night?
ME: No not rea....
Them: I had a wonderful nights sleep! The mattress was perfectly lumpy- just the way I like it- and the sound of the ice machine lulled me to sleep. Then I woke up at 4am and went on a 5 mile run to clear my head. And I wrote a page or twelve in my novel. Yes, didn't I tell you I was writing a novel? No? Its about this woman who has six children, works full time, runs marathons, cooks gourmet meals and sleeps a FULL 5 hours a night! *leans over to whisper*... Its actually more of an autobiography than a novel. But ssshhhh I don't want the secret out!
ME: Oh. Well ya. Me too. I did all that. But I wrote in my award winning Blog instead of my novel. And I ran 12 miles. So there.

Really? Am I expected to believe this? Do these Wonder Woman exist? I think not. Infact, I have a feeling most conversations should go like this....

Repeat Scene ( flying somewhere over the midwest....)

Them: So did you sleep well last night?
ME: No not rea....
Them: Me too. That ice machine was like Chinese Water Torture and I couldn't stop watching the Latest Late Night You Should be Sleeping Not Watching Me show.
Me: Meeee tooo!
Them: Sooo, after a lame 5 hours of sleep I rolled out of bed put on my running shoes and jumped in the shower. Because when you only sleep for 5 hours you tend to do things like shower with your shoes on.
Me: *remembering exactly how clean shoes were and deciding to try later*....
Them: Then I ironed my luggage, put makeup on my uniform and brushed my phone. You know. The usual when you only get 5 hours of sleep a night.
Me: Right. Thank you for your honesty. And your uniform does look rather fancy with red lipstick....

Because isn't that how it goes for most of us people? All I'm really asking for is a little bit of honesty. And a room far, FAR away from the ice machine.

Things I should be doing right now.

2010-02-01T09:57:00.000-08:00

The last few nights I've slept like a insomniac on Sudafed which has left my motivation tank a little low. Or more like running on fumes two miles away from the nearest motivation station knowing I'm going to have to push that little effer half the way there UPHILL. This is why I sleep NINE hours a night people.
But instead of whining or lolling about I have decided to write a list of things I should get done today. Why? Because list making is my crack and crack gives you energy (or maybe that's Meth? I may be mixing up my PSA's). So here they are- The Five Things I Should ~~Have Already Done~~ Do Today.
1. Wash my hair. Or I could practice what I preach as an animal activist and let the rats live free and unobstructed thereby saving time and money.
2. Walk my dogs. But maybe not. The more I think about it they need to practice some "self-soothing" and not rely on me for all their walking needs. Give a dog a walk a day and he will be exercised. Teach a dog to take a walk in his own darn backyard and he will ALWAYS be exercising. Genius.
3. Run. Getting ready for the half marathon this June. But alas my legs are not shaved, my long pants are dirty and it is 20 degrees outside. That clearly rules out the gym and the great outdoors making me only suitable for wrapping a fuzzy blanket around myself in clear defeat.
4. Clean my house. But if I go ahead and do it now when Mr.E gets home what will he do? He would be so confused and clearly bewildered at the state of home cleanliness that in all possibility he would leave thinking something diabolical has taken place or that I have shrunk his favorite sweater (again) and never return. Really? Love is more important than being able to eat off the floor.
5. Make dinner. Refer to #4 where husband leaves wife on suspicion of poor laundry skills and diabolical plotting.
Well that solves it! Looks like I have my day fully planned out doing absolutely nothing but waiting for the Bachelor to come on tonight so I can fantasize about puking in Vienna's shoes and/or poking myself in the eye with something sharp and pointy to MAKEITSTOPCAN'TTAKEANYMOREWILLDIE.
I always feel better after making a list....

Testing, testing...1..2..3....

2010-01-31T14:46:00.000-08:00